“He wasn’t in love with her; he was in love with the idea of her.”
When I got to Twin Oaks on Friday I needed to grab some pillowcases, so I headed up to commie. While there I also grabbed a backpack. Not just any backpack, one I had purchased about 3 years ago, used for a while, then put in commie- it’s been used by several other people since then and had made it’s way back to the communal bag swap.
Then, I was rummaging through one of Pax’s drawers (which used to be my drawers, as he now lives in the room I used to live in) and found my wedding ring from my commitment ceremony with my ex-partner Caroline. I hadn’t seen the ring in years- I had been holding onto it planning on doing something symbolic with it and then just simply lost track of it.
Finally, while moving the 4 winter coats (I am not exaggerating- there were actually 5 but one used to belong to his father so I kept it) from Pax’s clothes hooks to the ones in the living room, I found a very special blanket of mine which I thought had been lost in the 2011 earthquake, the flooding of my room, and subsequent cleanup. This blanket had a lot of emotional significance to me- it was originally purchased in Dublin in 2009 to be used as part of a healing ritual, was my go-to “this will help you feel a little better” blanket when a friend had a traumatic experience, and was one of my favorite physical objects. The happiness I feel from finding this blanket is likely inappropriate for an adult woman, but if you felt how fuzzy this blanket is you’d understand.
I feel like I should wrap up this post with some grand metaphor about letting things go, finding things again, and really sturdy backpacks, but I’m not. Figure it out yourself, it’s dinnertime and (correction post dinner) there was an amazing beef stew tonight. Mmmm, happy cows make tasty stew.
That’s the theme of today- I had a plan, I exchanged it for a new plan (moving to Philly last December), and now I have to make yet ANOTHER plan. One that can’t even start till early November, due to various other commitments and plans I have. Ugh. My life is pretty much good- I have great friends, a great job I love I can do from anywhere, and am finally not crazy anymore. I basically just want to settle down with someone and raise a happy, attachment-parented family, but that just seems like a terrible goal. Aren’t I supposed to want to change the world or something exciting like that? Having the plan be “find someone to have a family with” just seems terribly boring and unfeminist.
So I am going to take a nap, because I just cooked a delicious lunch for 100 people, and it’s 72 degrees in Virginia today.
On Tuesday Chad and I broke up. For those of you who hadn’t yet heard through various other social media platforms, consider yourself notified.
It was a smooth breakup as far as breakups go- we both had reasonable views on something that was a deal-breaker. Unfortunately they were different views. We are still friends- in some odd way our relationship feels stronger and more fun than it has in weeks. (Although that could also be attributed to my hitting the 4 week mark of being back on Zoloft and off of the awful Prozac.) I probably have some grief to work through, and I have to figure out what to do with my life after November 12 (I have commitments up through then), but in general I feel centered, solid, and certainly supported right now.
I arrived back at the commune today for a 2 week stint- I might go to Cville or Acorn for a few days, but I’ll be at Twin Oaks most of the time. Most of my posts for the next two weeks will be about my experiences at the commune, how it’s different from my life in Philly, my thoughts about that and my future, and possibly some disjointed rambling if there’s an especially awesome party.
if you have come to this post hoping that it will be discouraging of people attending Landmark Education's Forum course, you will be disappointed. My overwhelming impression is that the Forum helps people get out of their own way and improve their relationships with people who are critical to them. If you have personal problems that your friends and therapist cant help you with and you can afford the Forum course, you should probably go, it is extremely likely to help you.
“Well, guilty as charged. We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. We intend to stay the course. We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.” – Dan Cathy, CEO of Chick-Fil-A, when asked about the millions his company has donated to “family ministries.” Joe. My. God.: Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy: We Are Guilty As Charged Of Supporting Hate Groups.
Speak up men folk!
“We need to hear from the men, too.
For every single woman who’s ever had an abortion, there’s a man somewhere in the story. For every woman who was able to delay motherhood until a better moment, or improve her existing kids’ chances by not enlarging her brood, or end a pregnancy that was doomed to end in tragedy and pain, there’s also a man out there who is not a father today — or is a better father to the kids he has — because a woman he was involved with had the means to make this decision.
Forty years of feminism notwithstanding, the reality in American politics and culture is that our national discussion around this issue won’t materially change until men understand just how invested they are in this issue — and then stand up with us to insist that our reproductive rights be protected and preserved.”
“Whenever something tragic happens to someone there is always someone who says “This is why I do this…”
As if tragedy can’t strike them because they are SO smart and superior.
For instance a family loses a child, then someone says “this is why I get up and check on my child three times a night. ” Or “This is why I always drive my child to school.”
You hear this shit even more when someone has been violated “this is why I never go outside in a dress/drink/talk to strangers.”
It’s just really insensitive and fucked up.
Bad things can happen to anybody at any moment and taking your special precautions won’t always keep you safe.
I know people do it because it makes them feel safe but when something tragic happens to someone, it sounds like you’re victim blaming (because you are) and that does no one any good at all.”